I think my submissive side confuses a lot of people.
That I have a submissive side is surprising to many people too. I think it’s because I come across as strong-willed (stubborn), independent (I like doing my own thing) and fail at taking direction (screw you, I like it my way).
So all the hallmarks of what a good submissive is not meant to be. But then, I’ve never really believed the rose-tinted view of what a good submissive should be.
A good submissive is someone who own themselves, they know themselves, they know how to communicate to their D-type if there is an issue, boundary or safety concern. A good submissive is someone who knows and trusts their D-type to take care of them but also has the foresight to know that their D-type is human and might need taking care of instead of always being the party that gets there’s also giving.
You know, all the important things that go into an adult relationship can be taken and placed straight into a D/s relationship. Just because your relationship is kinky, all the other important bits of making relationships work don’t just fly out the window. It takes two to tango. And it also takes two to make sure your kinky relationship lasts inside and outside of the bedroom.
I know it’s all lovely and awesome and oh so amazing when you first start, we’ve all been there… however after 14 years in this lifestyle, you learn quickly that it’s not all fun and games. A relationship is hard work. A D/s relationship is even harder.
No, I haven’t lost my senses. Although maybe I have.
You see I’m an avid Yelper. What this means is that I’m that person who is checking into every new place she goes to so I can write a review on it later. I’ve met a lot of awesome people through Yelp, fellow Elite members who have made me laugh and we’ve bonded over broken hearts and a lot of tequila.
So when one of my Yelpers shouted out about Chase C‘s reviews my interest was perked. Not only does he now have an article written about his reviews in the Washington Post he is getting a whole load of Australian friends on Yelp!
The difference of Chase’s reviews? He lives in New York. He is unravelling his love affair with his partner through his reviews. And the subsequent break up nearly a year later. He’s heart-broken and I have urges to go find him, shove him under a blanket and force feed him biscuits and chocolate ice-cream.
To love that hard, that fast and to loose someone before you’re ready. I guess it’s all something we’ve felt. Ok, so I can definitely say that I haven’t really loved anyone that hard. Well, unless you count what I’m going through at the moment. But that’s possibly another story.
But that then leads to the question, what is love?
Is it the smile as you walk down the street skipping because you remembered something funny yet stupidly sweet he said the other night? Is it in the contentment that we find being with the other person? Is it in their scent? Their touch? Their smile? The way they grab your hair and pull your head in for a soft kiss?
Or maybe it’s just this…
But I like the way Baldwin frames being alone as a choice, one that calls to us not because we so love isolation and hate feelings, but because our relationship status is just one of many things we have to juggle. She’s not saying a partner wouldn’t be nice (or threatening to plunge cutlery into her eye)—although certainly some women, like some men, revel in total amatory freedom. But singlenesscan be voluntary, can be fulfilling, can be the best choice on the table at the moment, even if it’s not always a fountain of bliss. – Article from Daily Life
Singledom. The defect of relationship statuses for women it seems. Men could be bachelors for the rest of their lives and not get hit with any stigma in regards to their relationship status.
I know it’s the case for me. Especially coming from a European family. I’m 35. Don’t have children by choice, don’t have a partner by choice and quite content living in shared housing in an inner city boho chic suburb with a cat.
Think on that. Let it sink in, roll it around on your tongue a bit.
I read that quote on fetlife today. And it was another epiphany moment.
I’ve had a few of those since my relationship break up just over a month ago now. Maybe it’s time to go through Epiphany #1 in before I go through Epiphany #2.
Epiphany #1 – I have daddy issues. Thanks to wholelottarosiee and her post about identifying her daddy issues .. I had a light-bulb moment of epic proportions.
You see, unlike her father, mine has been absent. He left when I was aged 5. I never saw him again. Until I got a call when I was in my mid 20’s from my mother telling me that he’d had a heart attack walking down the street. Cue my confusion and my answer of “Oh. Right. Ok. Do I need to do anything since I’m his offspring?” and “Mum, are you ok? He wasn’t more than a sperm donor for me, but he was your partner once upon a time…”