13

Discombobulation. Sexual satiation and bliss.

Discombobulated – disconcerted – euphoric – ecstasy – intoxicated – heady – sexual – achy – blissed out… these are just some of the words that may explain where I am today.

Yesterday saw Cern talk me into going to trivia with him and some of his friends. He said the magic word, steak… and I was hooked. But apparently I had to have a garish Hawaiian shirt and a sparkly hat for the xmas theme. We did a spot of shopping and had a really lovely night, trivia was entertaining, his friends were also entertaining. I was glad I let him talk me into going out.

We had some really interesting conversations during him getting us very lost on our way to the other side of the harbour. We may have admitted to caring about each other just a wee bit a few days ago and I explained that usually in relationships I am never this open, or accessible or actually ok with a lover of mine sleeping with other women. Let’s put that down to the last 9 years of monogamous relationships. Poly is hard when it’s been so long! But, as I said to him, I don’t often get jealous of his telling me about other girls he’s dated or seen or talked to or hooked up with. I sometimes get a twinge of something which usually relates to my self value about myself more so than anything he was saying or doing, but it’s nothing like what I was used to and he asked me why I was so ok with him and the way our openness is at the moment.

I had to think about that for a while. And I honestly think it comes down to the fact that I trust him to tell me the truth and he has been, without pulling punches or becoming all vague like most men do because they don’t want to say what they are feeling in the fear that they are going to lose out on the sex. He just tells me stuff. And I appreciate that so bloody much. And that, I think, in and of itself is why I am so centered. I’m really secure. I know where I stand with him. I know that whoever else he’s seeing or dating isn’t going to impact us and that makes me know we’re good.

We still haven’t defined our friendship apart from what it is we’re doing right now. Even so, I’m ok. Surprisingly so. For some reason I feel safe with him and that’s all that matters to me now. Like he said to me, I realise that the level of openness I’ve given him access to could have blown up in my face… but I’ve spent years and years and years hiding behind walls. Being hurt is a part of life, if it doesn’t work at least I know I did this the way I would want any future relationship to be like. With total openness, honesty and caring. Whether he finds someone else that sweeps him off his feet or not, that’s beside the point. Right now, I’m happy. I’m happy with where I am with him. I’m beyond happy with the sexual chemistry and he smells good. Good gods he smells good. I could get used to smelling that man a lot.

We talked about a few other things too, but you know me guys, some things I like to play close to my chest. The rest is going to keep my insides warm for a while longer before I share with y’all.

However! Today… Today is blissful.

It’s that feeling you get from getting fucked so well and hard all night until the wee hours of the morning so that the next day at work your body feels small aches and pains, the twinge in your cunt from the bruised pelvis. The slight ache in your lower back from where he applied all his weight to slam into you harder from behind. The beautiful tremble in your neck when you stretch because he had his teeth biting down in that one spot. Remembering his moans as he kept sliding back into you and feeling the charged sexual energy between you.

Last night was an interesting rediscovery after his injury.

At first we were both a bit unsure, I didn’t want to hurt him any more than I already had and he was a bit anxious about if it was going to hurt. But just to be on the safe side I ended up swatting in the shower, with my back against the tiled walls as the water ran over him and sucked his cock. There’s something to be said about being pushed up against a wall while someone throat fucks you. It was hot. I gagged, spluttered, nearly drowned and every time he pulled out of my mouth I whimpered at the loss and leaned out after it with an open mouth for more.

Before long we’d moved ourselves into the bedroom and being the bastard he was, he made me stand, legs spread and made me count out the orgasms until 21. At which point he said I’m done and my legs gave out and I may have knelt in front of him while he was sitting on my bed. And so I went back to doing what I love doing, sating my oral fixation by worshiping his cock some more.

The sex – well, let’s just say that I think he’s making me realise some things that I obviously had no idea about previously. So as much as he says that I’m teaching him a lot, I think he’s also teaching me quite a lot too. His hands still electrify me, I don’t know what it is, they are so big and warm and make me tingle from the inside out. Or maybe from the outside in. Either way he man has a way with his hands and my body has a mind of it’s own when he applies said hands to me – all I can do is hold on for the ride. From the 4am surprise sex that was a bit magical to me. There was something different about our coming together at 4am. I don’t know what it was, but it felt like he was radiating desire. It’s like I was being wrapped up in his raw animal lust and desire and sexuality and it was intoxicating. I felt lost in it, to the point that I couldn’t get enough of him. He couldn’t get any deeper inside of me yet I wanted more. The orgasms were continuous, like a summer thunderstorm. I felt cleansed, dirtied, used, ravenous, fulfilled, desired and wanted all in one go.

Which may explain why I feel the way I do today.

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I’m kinda glad that I took the chance even though I know not where our paths are headed.

36

Poly trials and new discoveries

Well you guys know that I’ve been seeing Cern, the new FWB.

I’ve also been in contact with Scotty a lot over the last week – about the upcoming Vegas trip next year, Burning Man and my accommodation for both.

So let’s start with Scotty, shall we?

I was chatting to him the other day saying that I was thinking of staying at the Golden Nugget in Fremont because it’s one of my favourite hotels in Vegas when he mentioned that I should be aware that I may end up cancelling the room. Prior to all this he had said that I would be cancelling any room I booked. So that was flag number one for me. I knew his new fiance wasn’t feeling quite ok with me. Which is fair enough. If I were in her shoes and some blast from the past was coming to town I’d be feeling a bit unbalanced too. I pre-date her in his love. I get it, it doesn’t hurt less though.

So I asked him then if he would be ok with me messaging her on facebook to reach out before I go there so that maybe we can start up a friendship and she may feel a bit more comfortable that I’m not coming to town to mess up their relationship and that I’m not a threat of any kind. He said he thought it was a wonderful idea and that she’s be totally open to that.

Cue my writing her a message 4 days ago.

4 days of silence.

I started to cry every time I thought about it 2 days ago.

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