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Friends, fucking and love contemplations

Today I read a quote that I had to share because I’ve asked myself some of these questions while I take the time to heal myself:

“I asked my ex, now good friend, if she would ever have an open relationship and she said, ‘No, I don’t think I could do that’ then after a pause and a smile, ‘but what about love affair friendships?’

She went on to describe an impenetrable fortress of female friendship, her own group of best mates who’d known each other since school and had supported and loved each other through almost all of their lifetimes. They sounded far more bonded to, and in love with one another, than their respective husbands.

It struck me that we don’t have the language to reflect the diversity and breadth of connections we experience.

Why is sex the thing we tend to define a relationship by, when in fact it can be simple casual fun without a deep emotional transaction?

Why do we say ‘just friends’ when, for some of us, a friendship goes deeper?

Can we define a new currency of commitment that celebrates and values this?

Instead of having multiple confusing interpretations of the same word, could we have different words?

What if we viewed our relationships as a pyramid structure with our primary partner at the top and a host of lovers, friends, spiritual soul mates, colleagues, and acquaintances beneath that?”

—Rosie Wilby, “You’re More Polyamorous Than You Think”

I think there’s a whole host of relationships that we have with other people and this quote has made me sit and think about these friendships, relationships, loves. For some friends who I love with all my heart and I’m totally in love with them as people.

I believe there’s a whole other world out there that could explain that we all do lead poly lifestyles in a way without even realising it. We give our love without thought to those we hold dear but don’t fuck. So why does only the ones we fuck count as loves of our lives? I’ve had more deep and meaningful relationships with some friends than I’ve ever had with partners.

So why do we focus on fucking for meaning when there’s meaning in so many other areas? How does this all tie in to me though? Sex is really important to me, but it’s not the be all of me and how I relate to people.

But I had to put this here to remember to think outside the box while I keep working on myself.

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Love letters to those loves past…

This was a thing that went around a while ago. And I did it because it’s cathartic.

Here’s to all my relationships that meant something to me.

Dear S,

You were my first kiss, my first foray into the beauty and wonder that is the female form. How can I ever say enough thank you’s? We might have grown over the years together, but those firsts are something I’ll always hold dear. Even to this day, one of my favourite things is kissing a woman. The softness undoes me.

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