39

LDR: Dirty talking assistance. Part 1.

Forgive me WP gods, it’s been 9 days since my last confession.

Confessional-Booth-Scully

There’s a reason for this, I’ve been a bit hormonal introspective in regards to relationships, our efforts and where you draw the line in regards to giving.

In retrospect, I now know why I said long distance relationships are doomed to fail. Because you know how hard it is keeping a relationship going in the flesh? It’s millions times more harder when you add in distance.

It’s ok, Loki and I are still going strong. I think we’ve hit our first hurdle though. The whole keeping the sexual joy alive long distance.

I’m finding it really hard because he’s pretty easy to please. I need more than a quick video or photo. And I think he’s struggling with having to be vocal with his desires in order to help me achieve some level of “turning on” that’s going to facilitate his fun times. He’s never really done anything like dirty talking and finds the process intimidating as he’s scared of saying something that’s going to make me laugh at him – I think giggling during sex is a good thing obviously in this case it might not be… I’ve never really done this whole other country sexy times thing. It’s all so much easier in person when you can actually say, hey babes I’m feeling sooooooo toey and really want to have my lips around your cock as you slide off your clothes and crawl across the floor to unzip his pants… it’s ever so much harder when you have nothing but voice.

So the more he pushes me to send him pictures and video chat with him in a sexual way the more I dig in my heels and feel like I’m an unpaid hooker. Because that’s how I imagine sex workers feel when they are working. Having to “fake” it through their encounters, at least they are getting paid. I can’t even fake this shit so I don’t say anything and I don’t know what’s worse. I don’t mean to hurt his feelings but at the same time the last time he actually helped me get off was when I was in the states in March. Yet I feel like I’m putting in more effort than he is because I’ve done things that I’m not comfortable with or enjoying so that he can get off and now I just don’t want to anymore.

Am I being selfish?

I feel I am yet at the same time I feel justified in my selfishness. So with this in mind, I’ve been really hard pressed to write anything on here for fear of an emotional rant that came across as even more hurtful to him. Hurting him is not the aim here. Getting common ground so that we’re both getting our needs met is.

Since he reads this I’ve been hesitant to write… Hai Loki.

So dirty talk. Tips, tricks, what is your go to? Any websites that have helped?

I find the dirty talking thing a turn on because of the implied shaming that could be involved I think but I haven’t ever been with anyone that’s been that vocal during coitus. So I have no pointers to give. I can be vocal but that was mainly when I’m directing other people. So I have nothing to draw on here. And from what I gather he doesn’t either. I think he’s feeling frustrated and I’m feeling frustrated and we both get frustrated at each other because neither of us know where to go on this one.

I’ve tried doing searches for dirty talking tips and tricks and have come up with a wall of information that hasn’t really helped in any way. Google is great for searching, but trying to find a beginner’s guide is pretty hard.

Who knows, maybe after all this I might be able to write my own beginners guide to dirty talking…

But for now, I need help.

SOS_Beach

19

Serendipity + Loki = baggage check!

I was thinking this should probably be a 2 segment post, but then I couldn’t be bothered. So now you guys get the big long story.

Pull up a pew, get your cuppa ready and some biscuits and a blankie.

[ source]

Sometimes I think that I met Loki is a bit of serendipity – because it doesn’t feel real, most times. I think that’s the hard reality of long distance relationships. All you have is the other person’s voice to go on and as much as I hear it day in day out without the personal touch it makes it so much more harder to ground it in the here and now. Those 3 weeks we spent practically devouring each other is the only thing keeping me going.

Serendipity…

Luis_Royo_029

I was totally preparing myself to be the mad cat woman for the rest of my life, getting a property somewhere, opening a traditional Turkish tea house somewhere with pets allowed to romp and roam with patrons while they sip their tea and play their games under vines that are flowering. Who knows, maybe this will still be a reality some day…

I wasn’t expecting things to work out with Loki, I wasn’t expecting to end up in a long distance relationship. I didn’t expect .. well this. I was one of the first people who used to scoff at long distance relationships. They never work, distance is too great, relationships are hard enough when you’re both in the same city let alone different cities… or in our case, on different sea coasts and a 18 – 20 hour flight between us. Most days I am secure in our tentative long distance relationship, it works, sort of. I have moments of thinking I’m insane and what if he decides he hates me after spending more than a month with me,  then I have to slap myself out of it.

But now I feel the pressure from life going on here and now, continuously, I have a million different things that need my attention. From my mother, to my sister, to my studies, to Loki, to working full-time and studying full-time… my friends, my other curricular activities. I feel the pull of the tide dragging me under more often than not and that’s probably because I have exams in 2 weeks and I feel about as prepared as a newborn being asked to walk. I’m feeling the pressure and all I want to do is honestly be able to hide in his embrace and not be an adult, for a night, a few hours, a few minutes, a few deep breaths of my face in his chest and his scent enveloping me.

Serendipity.

Tag Loki, you’re it.

Continue Reading