7

A derangement of mind.

Caption of my life

Loki – you know the one. The one mentioned in this post about sexual Liberation vs self denial. I thought it best to clarify where this man has entered my life and is causing such havoc which I didn’t expect.

The insane making bit is that he is in another country. I don’t do LDR. They are doomed before they even begin, right? Secondly… I don’t really have a secondly. The first is a pretty big one in my books. My biggest thing is to not get attached. I am attached. We aren’t exclusive, I wouldn’t expect him to be considering I’m a 13 hour flight away. He doesn’t expect me to be either from what he tells me. I’m not used to this feeling of jealousy when he mentions who he’s flirted with or wanting to get a leg over someone over there. I’ll put this down to the fact that they can get what I can’t. I hate sharing something I don’t have. I think it feeds my fear of abandonment. Daddy issues, you know.

It does fit really well with my own sexual liberation though. Because it’s all but cured me of my wish to fuck anyone else. Sexual liberation be damned, my vagina has lust for one man who it can’t get at the moment.

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7

Lonely? Yes please, maybe… no thank you. Oh ok then.

And perhaps I am writing this for any of you out there who are lonely too. There’s not much we can do about it. I am luckier than many of you because I am lonely in a crowd of people who are mostly very nice to me and appear to be pleased to meet me. But I want you to know that you are not alone in your being alone. – Stephen Fry

I read something by Stephen Fry this week that has gotten me thinking hard. Navel gazing at it’s best I would say.

I say this because it resonated with me. Deep down, it struck a cord. I’m also one of those people that is surrounded by people who are also happy to know me and are very nice to me yet feeling strangely I still feel lonely.

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