4

My American Addiction

Ok, so obviously everyone is keenly aware that I have a very high burning love affair with that great big country over yonder blue.

So while I’m slowly selling every inch of my soul to my job to build up enough leave to go back to travel some more, I had been hungering for all the different kinds of delish yumyums that you can get when you’re State-side.

And then I happened upon a site that sold all the bad things you can eat over there HERE! YES HERE!

I couldn’t contain my excitement and may have done a wee dance of joy around the house squealing. Then sat down and ordered a whole bunch of stuff (from sauces, creamer for my coffee, drinks, herbs and snacks…)

And when I arrived I also did a small dance of joy before ripping the box to shreds and literally crying at the contents.

Oh how I’d missed you french vanilla creamer! And you, sugar filled cereals! Never mind that the chippies are quite tasty too with all those flavours that we don’t get here.

Where is this place? Oh here, let me share the joy with you!

It’s right here, called USA Foods – and sometimes they even have free delivery.

It was like I’d happened upon a Plutonian emerald… the utter joy of my discovery has kept me sated for a while.

However the pull of a Texan BBQ rack is a calling. Also gumbo. And some jambalaya.

I’d sell my backup soul for a good bowl of gumbo right about now since the weather has started to turn a bit nipply.

Hmmmmmmm gumbo.

And you see, this is where I’m at right now.

Missing for weeks, return for food.

NOM!

Oh ps. I got some henna done on my hand over the weekend at a friends daughters kina – which is Turkish for that girls only party you have before your wedding where instead of getting stupidly drunk and watching strippers, we instead belly dance the night away, make the bride to be cry while painting her hand in henna and then dance some more until they throw us out of the venue.

I needed to document the henna because it’s rather pretty.

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2

When spiders veto your life

You know, I’ve never been quite the spiderphobe before. I’m pretty sure that’s not the actual terminology for it and I can hear Cern’s voice in my head squealing in utter consternation that I haven’t used the google to find the correct word as I’m having a seniors moment, but spiderphobe works so much better. OHHHHH! ARACHNOPHOBIA!!

Maybe my brain does work after all. So anyway, if you’re a spiderphobe I suggest you don’t read any further. This is totally all about the lil buggers that have ruined my life.

Now, here’s a wee bit about Australian spiders for you.

Our most deadliest one is the funnel-web. This lil shit will defend it’s space and if you challenge it, please don’t, it will rear and come at you. Now their fangs can penetrate leather shoes… because they are hard fuckers, like everything we grow out here.  The subfamily contains 35 species. All members of the subfamily are native to Australia. Yes, thanks to the spider gods for making not just one of these lovely lil aggro bastards, but 35 different subspecies. These spiders are medium-to-large in size, with body lengths ranging from 1 cm to 5 cm (0.4″ to 2″) – That was until today… when … wait for it..

Big Boy was found and handed in to be milked. I kid you not, they called the massive funnel-web Big Boy. Who the hell names these things? Why not just call it cuddly wuddly fuck I’m dying? Or Mr Fangy. So back to the point, Big Boy measures a lovely 7.5cm (that’s 2.95 inches for all of you that still refuse to use the proper way of measuring things) and was dripping venom from his fangs when found. Apparently they do that when they get their aggro on. I know, lovely.

Here’s a nice picture of Big Boy for you.

Not only are these buggers nasty if you come across them, they will kill you and the male has a more toxic venom than the female, which is why they prefer males to be handed in for milking and making of the anti-venom – which apparently there has been less and fewer people handing in the lil shits as the years go by. Because who doesn’t wander around looking for funnel webs to catch and hand in? Of course we all have a desire to die in agony. And these things can run. Also they can survive under water for quite a few hours so if you mistakenly think the fucker’s dead and you want it out of your pool. You may get a nasty surprise. This is the point where you need men around. So you can send one out to deal with it. Spider baiting. If he goes down at least you know to stay inside. Right? Right.

However onto better things, the lovely pretty Redback. The redback colonies in Australia are just amazing. These guys are really pretty to look at, they even shine. Like no, really. They do. Their bites will kill the young and elderly and sick. And hurt like a bitch. However mostly they aren’t aggro like the funnel webs. They tend to build nests and populate at an exponential rate. They seem to love living around our houses and inside them if you let them. It kills its prey by injecting a complex venom through its two fangs when it bites, before wrapping them in silk and sucking out the liquefied insides. Yummo! What I find awesomely cool is that Redbacks will nom on their mate during coupling. Yup, she eats him. How bloody cool is that?!

"Big Redback 8MP" by Stuart Edwards. - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons.

Big Redback 8MP” by Stuart Edwards. – Own work.

And in the Australian outback they are oft found hiding in dunnies (see above) – they do like warm spots and generally they are tiny. Compared to the size of the other spiders this one is like a mini-me of the spider world. But packs quite a wallop with its bite and venom for its wee size issues.

Now the issue is that last week, I advised Cern that I wanted to ride my bike. He quite happily told me that there were redbacks all over it. I’ve since been patiently waiting for him to de-redback my bike so I can ride it. Granted, I could go out there and re-home them one by one. However, him being the biologist, should have the honour no?

redback-spider

I’ve been throwing up the idea of getting a tattoo of a redback on the back of my thigh. I haven’t gone ahead with it as yet – but at some stage I probably will because I think the female redbacks are glorious in the darkness with that bright red stripe. It warms my heart a bit.

In the mean time, I’ll keep waiting for him to re-home the redback colony on my bike so I can ride it. Although to be fair, the weather in Sydney has been utterly shit. It reminds me of New Orleans mid-summer. High temps, high humidity so that my hair does it standing on end thing and then wham, rain for a week but it’s still hot. Fuck the tropics. I thought this weather was meant to be for Queenslanders! The urge to migrate further south is enticing me. Melbourne is such a wonderful place.

Plus my sick cat would benefit muchly. And possibly cost me less in vet bills. The poor bub has been really rather ill since Christmas so I’ve been dealing with him quite a lot. I have to inject him subcutaneously with fluids every day and make sure he has half a tablet of antibiotics in the morning and another half at night. I’m meant to pump him full of 175ml of fluids from a baggie, but at the moment I can only get in 100 since he refuses to let me jab him twice a day with a needle. I would make an awesome vet nurse. If they didn’t mind me crying along with the animal that is. There were lots of tears on both sides while Cern tried to comfort me while also making sure that my kitty didn’t move and dislodge the butterfly needle in his back while I cried and still kept pumping him full of fluids. It was all rather traumatic. I’m happy to say that we have less of the tears now, 3 weeks in than we did in the beginning. Sick animals make one very stressed.  We are sort of getting him better, but we’re having weekly checks and blood works to make sure that he is going the right way and his quality of life is good.

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Here’s my wee boy – Monty

2

One from the vault…

While I try to work myself silly through the Christmas period this year, I thought I’d have a troll through my blogs past. And this one made me giggle. Because it’s still true.

Love & Hate, it’s a short list…

You know, jet lag.

My brain isn’t capable of much at the moment, however after reading posts from some of my favourite womans’ Aussa & Beth – I figured that answering questions is easy!! 21 things I irrationally love or hate? Pshh I could go to 101. But I won’t. Because boredom. We can’t have you having it.

So without much ado….

21 things I irrationally love or hate

  1. Rope – and not just any rope it has to be natural fibre. Jute preferably. Or even Italian linen, hemp and coconut rope gets my juju humming like a little bullet vibrator. Oh yes. As much as I love tying myself and other people up in it, I love conditioning it, I love working the oils into it, I love the smell, the texture, the beautiful beautiful marks it leaves on one’s skin…

    Futomomo Marks

    Futomomo Marks – from Andersmcm’s Tumblr

  2. Cockroaches. Why? These things live through nuclear holocausts, that should be telling us something. Apart from that they are ickky and make me want to vomit. And I once woke up to one crawling along my arm, granted I had fallen asleep in my friends backyard due to a late night party we’d had and err … look the point of this is that I woke up with one crawling on my arm and I totally forgot how drunk I still should have been and ran around screaming like a banshee flapping my arms and yelling that I want to die because I’d been contaminated by feral mutant roach germs. Moral of the story? I hate the fuckers and I hate it even more when they are in close proximity to me.
  3. Nature. Ahhhhhhhh nature. I love you. Yet I hate you. I love how green  you are in peektures. Yet when I rush off into the middle of nowhere to roll around and absorb the green happy vibes, you let me get lost and eat spider-webs in my haste to get un-lost and find water. I love your frozen waterfalls, yet hate that I end up sliding down the icy stairs on my ass because the soft snow on top is hiding your secret. I guess if I were to ever come back as anything, I’d want to be you. Because you’re beauty and evil cruelty make me so happy. When it’s not me bouncing down the snowy ice stairs on my ass squealing.
  4. Cat & dog videos Animal Videos. You know the ones, ones of Maru are priceless. The one of my cat playing with my housemates dog, even more cute. They make me laugh and cry in equal measure. Something about animals. You know. Like the squirrel that likes to hide its nuts in the dog’s coat.

    Continue Reading
2

Books books books books…

You know, I have some really bloody talented women in my blogosphere.

And a few of them actually wrote a book. Which you should go read because they are both fantastic writers. I have both books on my to read list after I’ve finished my current book.

So without much ado, first up is Beth. She’s got a beautiful soul and makes me laugh and cry at some of her posts. And her book is Order of Seven and you can get it on Amazon as a paperback or e-book. What are you waiting for! Go bookmark it.

Here’s the blurb about it from Goodreads:

“Eighteen-year-old Devi Bennett is surrounded by mysteries: her unknown heritage, a recurring dream about an African tribal ceremony, an inexplicable attachment to a certain tree and a psychic ability she’ll never understand—unless she finds her biological parents.

Things take a shocking turn when she meets Baron, an intense and alluring energy healer who receives prophetic dreams which all seem connected to her. Devi must rely on an empath, a seer, and Baron to help research her roots to discover who she is and what she is capable of. But when Baron’s visions lead to an ancient legend which may link to her birthright, Devi learns her gift is more imperative than she thought imaginable.

Equal parts suspenseful and sexy, philosophical and adventurous, ORDER OF SEVEN delivers a story that will leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about the hands that carry fate.”

Second is Mandi. Mandi is just as Beth, a sweet soul with a lot to give. She’s also just finished a book and it’s in my to read pile as well. She has her book out which is titled Dear Stephanie and available for purchase through Amazon as a paperback or e-book.

And the quick peek at the book:

“Paige Preston wants to end her life. After an unsuccessful attempt, she lands herself in mandatory therapy with a sexy psychiatrist. When he and an even more alluring friend begin to help her break down the walls she’s spent a lifetime building, Paige begins to see something bigger than herself. Is it enough to pull her out of her dark world and help her finally feel like a human? Or will letting someone in be the final step toward her demise?

Dear Stephanie is a sinfully addictive walk through a world of beauty, affluence, and incidental love that effortlessly moves the reader between laughter, tears, heartache, and hope with the turn of every “Paige.””

I feel honoured knowing such talented women and I can’t wait to spend time with you both in the bath with my glass of wine. Promise I won’t post pictures of said reading time.

But if you’re in the book reading frame of mind and want some light reading that will captivate you and keep you turning the pages, give them a go. You won’t be disappointed. Promise.

4

All quiet on the home front

Well no, not really.

I’m regularly loosing my shit and poor Cern doesn’t know what to do with me.

You see I move tomorrow.

My cat is really sick and has pancreatitis along with dehydration that may cause his kidney’s to fail. So not only have I forked out $506 for his blood test, vet visit and antibiotics, etc – he needs to go back in to be put on an IV to save his kidney’s.

Add in the cost of moving and food now being an optional extra for me, there’s a lot of shit going down in my world that I’m not sure how to deal with and I’m sure that I wouldn’t be dealing at all if I didn’t have Cern firmly pressed up against my back holding me up. Granted his hands are firmly planted on a boob each, but I can feel him. And in amongst all the turmoil, tears and emotional fucked-up-ed-ness… it’s a novel thing that I’m feeling.

No one’s done this for me before.

I’m unsure how to cope, but even in my uncoping he’s there. Like the harbour bridge in the fog. You know it’s there and you trust that it’s there so much that you’ll drive out onto it even though you can’t see the road ahead.

I try not to write sappy posts because I’m sure ya’ll don’t need to hear me gloat about how awesome my man is and how happy I am to have found him finally. It’s like finding a Rhodochrosite crystal with the perfect colouring and shape or even red beryl. Exquisite. Hard to find. Perfect to hold in your hand and it fills you with awe and happy hormones.

That’s pretty much how Cern makes me feel most times.

Except when he locks me out of my car and I have to run up and down stairs 3 times in the morning to try to get him coherent enough to tell me where he put the beep beep for the car so I can leave to go to work. At which point I want to pour a bucket of water over him for making me late to work. I’m so mentally unstable in the mornings!!

But then he does awesome things like goes to hunt & gather our dinner last night while I kept packing because I was pouting and refusing to leave the house after having a hard day at work all day.

Either way, my cat is due back at the vet this afternoon to see if we need to put him on an IV and what other treatments we need to get him on. I have a truck booked for 7am tomorrow morning and we finally found a babysitter close to Cern’s house to watch the kids so he can help me move because otherwise I’d just be sitting in my room crying because I can’t move everything on my own and I can’t afford to hire anyone to move me.

We will do this. He keeps sending me messages saying this.

Until it’s tomorrow night and I have everything where it needs to be and my cat next to me I just can’t believe him.

See you guys on the flip side! I’m getting wine drunk tomorrow night if I make it!