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Quick update & happy new year!

Gosh it feels like an age since I’ve written anything.

Amongst getting kidnapped to Cern’s place for about 4 days last week and having a quiet christmas and now an open house NYE party at home today I’ve not had time to update in here!

I have a lot of stuff to say, I swear! I just haven’t had time and I hope that you are all having a wonderful holiday break and spending it with people you love and that bring a smile to your face. I know I have been!

Don’t forget that I’m still taking questions for Kinky Q & A and you can send your questions to spankalicious.co@gmail.com or through my contact me page.

Have a wonderful, safe, perverted and debaucherous new years eve y’all – you know I will be!

See you in the new year!

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Bless, the blog loving.

I just wanted to write a quick note to those of you who reached out to me privately & in my comments section about my last post, thank you.

I wanted to say you made my day and reminded me that what we put out we get back and that making yourself vulnerable and open about mental illness doesn’t make you weak. You all helped to make me stronger when I was feeling a bit wobbly.

All the love to you, we may have never met but your words all touched me in the little place behind my left boob.

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From the promises of meeting for tea, the cheeky spanks, the pictures and just your words.

Y’all are the best.

So this post was bought to you by the blog love. I’m sharing.

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Dating fails #5391037

So the whole dating thing still isn’t going. Not a man in sight that I’d spend my time with over dinner or a coffee.

But here’s one that’s been making me cringe and I know y’all enjoy my seemingly idiot attracting magnet.

I did say no to him already but he is one of those special guys that keeps pushing in the hopes that I have a change of heart because he’s been harassing me and then I magically fall at his feet and offer myself for the taking because I’d been blind to his obvious wit and charm. Not.

Maybe I should have an auto response saved somewhere to send when a guy doesn’t understand I’m not interested – along the lines of:

Hello random man that won’t take no for an answer, I said not interested. Back the fuck up, bow the fuck out and take my answer as final. I’m not changing my mind. Ever.

Am so tired of jerks like this that I went and changed my profile to now include that I don’t want cis-gendered straight males who have no idea about alternative lifestyles to contact me. Here’s to hoping the quality improves. Doubt it though!

Continue Reading

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Connections, people, hello world Amanda Palmer style!

I saw this talk by Amanda Palmer on TED the other day and it brought me to tears.

Why? Well because she reaches out to people. She believes in the humanity of others and puts out so much positivity that I think it comes back to her tenfold. The art of asking, from are you ok to does anyone have a place for me to stay. She’s inspiring.

And I am procrastinating about my exam tomorrow.

So have a look at what she says, let it sit with you and don’t forget your tissues.

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Welcome to Australia, you don’t need that brain do you? Love, your local Magpie.

Ok for you lot out there that haven’t been to Australia before, we have these wonderful birds called magpies.

Suffice to say, these birds are lovely and can get quite big. When I say lovely, they are lovely for most of the year, except spring. When they nest and have babies.The female often goes off in search of food and the father will guard the wee babies. And heaven help you if you walk past or in the general area of a magpie’s nest.

They swoop, dive, peck the back of your head repeatedly until you feel like your brain is falling out. It’s a time-honoured Australian tradition.

Until you’ve been swooped by a maggie, you haven’t tasted Australia.

And then when I was on Facebook today I came across this. This is the epitome of what being an Australian is.

I died from laughing because we’ve all been there. I remember running home from school most spring afternoons crying my eyeballs out with 3 magpies chasing me down the street while I yelled for mum to save me.

So I thought I’d share the joy that is magpies with you all.

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Mayday!

Exams this week means that I have a whole heap of posts I want to write about but can’t because well, exams…

Watch this space, I’ll be back after the Sydney Rope Festival this weekend and my exams this week. Why yes, I’m a busy little bee.

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You’re looking for what?!

You know the entertainment that is search terms for people that found your blog?

Well instead of writing my chemistry report I’m going to go through mine because it’s rather giggle worthy.

The top search terms are variations of how to eat pussy – and it’s all attributed to my beautiful find of the blog for how to give cunnilingus successfully, cartoon included here.

Second term seems to be australian porn actresses : awe sweet thangs, I’m no porn actress, although I did have a friend who went to San Fran & Canadia on occasion to make porn because Australia and porn laws are Victorian. Which is surprising given that prostitution is legal here as is abortions. Although that last bit our draconian government led by men keep trying to change with sly laws which they think we don’t notice and then they wonder when we fight back why we won’t be good women and let them control our bodies. Ops, this was meant to be about search terms, not a rant about the government trying to have ownership over my reproduction…

So thirdly? pubic hair before spanking – uh, your guess is as good as mine. From personal experience, hair doesn’t cause anything during a spanking. It will still hurt. Hair or not. Especially if the person spanking you switches to leather gloves to save their palms. Oh, the smarting. Yum.

Followed closely by… spank my wife so i can taste it … you want to do what man? The only spanking you’ll taste are the sweet sweet tears dripping off her cheeks. And not the cheeks on her ass. Well, actually if she’s anything like me she’ll possibly come from a good spanking session so who knows, maybe you may just taste it… You’ll definitely taste the stinging flesh though. There’s something to be said about red burning butt cheeks.

Oh and this pearler… quadbiking in comparison to masturbation? I can only assume they got referred to my post where I nearly  killed myself on a quad bike and gave Daddy a heart attack. There was no masturbation on said quad bike. I was too busy screaming, giggling, squee’ing or wondering if I was going to die. When do people find time to masturbate while zooming around like that? I don’t get it.

And that’s just a few from the top, if you have any information that might clarify my confusion on any of the above, feel free to edumacate me!

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Spam + Uggs = me apparently. The equation sucks.

I don’t know what changed since last week to this week, but apparently the Ugg boot people love my blog so much they keep sending messages. And facebook. And the uggs.

40 comments overnight.

What the ever-loving fuck?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my ugg boots (inside only in Australia) and I totally immersed myself in bogan behaviour whilst I was over in America for the visit from the Arctic early this year (and wore them outside).

I have always owned ugg boots, even when I was a wee lass.

That’s beside the point though. In America people wear them outside. Like outside where strangers can see you.

That’s just, well, unheard of. Why not just wear your pajamas outside too? Oh wait, they do.

Is this my snobbery coming through? I was taught not to wear my bedclothes out…

Granted my 2am Target run in my ugg boots and pj’s doesn’t count, I was having a Buffy marathon and my DVD player broke. It was urgent I replace it and who in their right mind would be shopping at 2am?! I was guaranteed that no one would see me.. except when I went to check out and realised the girl behind the counter was someone who was in my geology subjects from university. Oh the fail.

Although to be fair I do have this one friend who has thigh high lace up ugg boots. But he is also gay and carries it off so well that he just looks fabulous. I fear I’d just look like a frump.

Getting back on point though, ugg boots outside is a huge no no. I turn my nose at people wearing their undergarments out during daylight hours, I do the same for ugg boot wear.

The beauty being that while I was in Pittsburgh in February and the temperatures dropped below 0 quite often, my ugg boots got the workout of their life. Not outside.

It wasn’t until I went off to visit my ex in West Virginia that I broke my rule of never wearing my uggs outside. Because I figured the hillbillies wouldn’t get why they shouldn’t be worn out and I was in good company. I buried that snooty bitch and often wore them to the shops to get bits and bobs. Except if I was walking up the road to go to petrol station to buy something. Then I’d wear proper shoes.

So why then are the Ugg people spamming me? Don’t they realise that I am probably not the best person to be spamming. These things keep my toes warm at home and home only.

Except if I’m taking the rubbish out. But that’s just outside the door. And not into the general population.

No, wearing ugg boots out into the general public is akin to me wearing white tights with a black g-string on underneath and then wondering why people are giggling at me. Just.Not.Going.To.Happen.

So if you are one of those people who wear ugg boots outside, why? Is it because it’s comfy? That you think they aren’t just slippers? They are slippers, by the way. They just are.

Given that we live in a very hot country, ugg boots usually are only worn about a few months of the year in winter here. Wearing them in summer effectively would cause all kinds of disgusting foot conditions. I would imagine. Actually scratch that, I don’t want to imagine.

And why am I getting spammed about it incessantly all of a sudden?

Ps. I hate Mondays.

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Blogaversary – the big 5!

WordPress just informed me rather unceremoniously that it’s 5 years since I started blogging with wordpress today. blogiversaryI wish I had the old content from my previous blog that I had on wordpress, it would have complimented what I write here so well. Granted I was slutting around a lot more at that stage so I’m sure it was probably a bit more XXX rated. Still, I had a look at the history in another journal I kept and 5 years ago today I got my wrist tattoo. It was for a landmark year. I’d made it to 30. I never thought I would. I partied so hard in my 20’s – I always thought I’d have killed myself by 30. But I didn’t. So I got this tattoo to remind myself that sometimes life has a different path for us than what we believed. My best friend and my girlfriend at the time accompanied me to my tattoo parlour with me. My best friend refusing to budge because she enjoys watching me giggle in pain, especially when I’m pinned down with a tattoo gun. And fuck me, did I giggle – especially over my wrist bone. I could feel my bone vibrating all the way up my arm. It wasn’t as bad as my tramp stamp I got back back when I was a wee teen before tramp stamps were popular, but it was interesting.

I didn’t know it at the time but it was going to be the last year that I was actually truly happy without a care in the world in my then relationship. Before the black birds started circling, the world got darker before it got brighter. I’d given up being kinky for my partner. I was vanilla and it was slowly killing me.

Things did eventually change, they changed for the better. I went on a my first American rampage a few years after this tattoo. I found myself.

And I remembered to tell people the following on occasion, just for my own sanity.

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But happy 5 years wordpress blog!! Happy freaking 5 years, how far we’ve come, yet it feels like we haven’t come far at all.

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up — that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross