2

The Duke of Burgundy – A peek into a kinky lesbian relationship

As you may or may not be aware, it’s the Sydney Film Festival at the moment and they have some whopper of screenings available to view. This was but one of many that perked my interest and it was a moofie date with one of my most favouritest women.

So off we bounded into the cold and got seated in the State Theatre for our viewing. Now, me being me, I refused to look up anything to do with the film before I saw it so that I didn’t have any assumptions or expectations of it that would leave me feeling like I was let down by the end because it wasn’t what I was expecting. All I know from my friend was that it was about a kinky lesbian relationship.

We snuggled into the soft old style seats of the theatre that were cushioned (my arse thanks you State!!!) and giggled as the movie started up and we whispered.

Not too long into it we both shut up to watch what was going on.

The film itself was a somewhat arty thing. I mean it did start with the “sub”, Evelyn, kneeling beside a river or brook that tinkled loudly on the screen and made me want to rush to the bathroom to wee.

In some ways I think I was captivated by the movie and in other ways it made me question and confirm certain things I know about the lifestyle from my experience.

The Duke of Burgundy is basically about 2 entomologists who are in a lesbian relationship. However one of them is a bit kinky and basically writes on speech cards for her partner about “scenes” she would like played out and when. It kind of reminded me of Pro-Domming in a way, you get told how to behave, what the scene will entail and how long certain things will go for.

And that’s exactly what this woman was doing to her partner. It’s not ever discussed in the film about if the partner is a willing participant, but soon into the film you come across a scene in the bed when they both awake and the non-kinky Cynthia is stroking Evelyn’s face and explaining all the things she loves about her when Evelyn stops her and asks her to tell her of other things instead as her hand reaches down the sheets to start masturbating. Cynthia helps her out with her own hand and starts to tell her things that make her face go neutral as she stares out into space and when she runs out of things to say before Evelyn has come, Evelyn impatiently tells her to start at the beginning. And so Cynthia,  with a roll of her eyes,  says exactly the same things in monotone.

I believe this is the point where you realise that Cynthia isn’t that into all this kinky stuff. But she does it to please Evelyn.

As the movie progresses you realise that Cynthia is also afraid of losing Evelyn because she’s older and with back problems feels that she can’t give Evelyn what she wants.

The plot keeps going, with various “punishments” meted out for transgressions that a maid may have made. However what you realise is that the scenes are repeated is that there’s nothing new. And from what I got from Cynthia was that she was starting to feel the strain that her “acting” was putting on their relationship. There’s only so much one can do something to please their partner before it starts becoming a chore and you start to resent the other person for putting you in a position where you feel that you have to do something in order to keep them in your life.

From what I can see there isn’t much negotiation of these scenes. Evelyn writes on a piece of paper that she will scrub boots outside for a certain period of time at which point Cynthia will come out and find her slacking off and punish her for it. Evelyn washes Cynthia’s underwear with her hands and forgets a piece of underwear. Cynthia “checks” her work and finds said underwear and repeats the same lines from the beginning of the movie. Throughout you see Cynthia drinking lots and lots of water. You see, one of her punishments was to be a human toilet for not washing the underwear. So as she drank more and more, we giggled. Towards the end I started wincing.

However Evelyn polished another lecturers boots and caused a rift. And as their relationship got more strained and the kinky stuff stopped as they rediscovered what they wanted from each other and loved about each other before it was all about the kinky things and you saw their love blossom. Yet at the end of the movie you see Cynthia don her “mistress” attire and say the same lines you saw her repeat at the beginning of the movie.

I think we all have a part to play in kinky relationships. It’s easy to get caught up in the “me, do me” syndrome and not take into consideration what your partner wants or needs from your interactions as well. I guess that’s why negotiation is a high priority. Talking about what you both need and how to go about getting that without pushing the other person into a place where they are a service top or a rent a dom to your needs or desires. BDSM is a two way street and it works perfectly when you are both aligned in what you desire and need from each other in that space.

I’ve said it before and it’s still true. BDSM doth not a relationship make. If you’re in an intimate relationship with someone it’s icing on the cake. It’s not the be all and end all of your relationship. At least it shouldn’t be, not in an intimate romantic relationship. Sure there are relationships where it’s pure S&M or D/S – however those don’t tend to include building a life together outside of the play space. So that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I remember one scene that had me cheering – Cynthia, for Evelyn’s birthday, wanted to order her a bed with a lockable compartment underneath so she could lock her in there. However when the bed maker couldn’t deliver the bed within the time it would take for her birthday Evelyn pouted and wanted to know if they could give her more money to make it arrive quicker. The answer was no, they couldn’t. So Cynthia blindfolds Evelyn on the night of her birthday and takes her into the kitchen where there is an empty cake stand and all the ingredients laid out. She takes off her blindfold and Evelyn falters. She looks confused and asks where her cake is. Cynthia replies, “It’s right in front of you” as she pushes the recipe onto the cake stand in front of Evelyn and continues on, “you will be making the cake.” Evelyn looks shocked and then confused. “But I never made a cake before” she stutters. This is after the betrayal from Evelyn of polishing someone else’s boots and getting punished. Cynthia, dressed in tights and a frilly top shrugs and leaves her to it in the kitchen as she says she is going to go change into something more comfortable. We then pan to Cynthia sitting in a high-backed chair in her pyjama’s – the significance of this is the last time Cynthia wore pyjama’s Evelyn turned down her advances saying that she looked horrible and wasn’t dressed in anything that inspired her to be sexual – Evelyn starts when she realises what Cynthia is wearing. She hands her the cake and is told to lay down on the floor. Cynthia then puts her sock covered foot on Evelyn’s chest. When Evelyn protests Cynthia puts her socked foot over her mouth as you see a tear fall out of Evelyn’s eye as she said her safeword which is ignored. I cheered for the woman who stepped up and took back the power in the relationship. I cheered for the woman who finally got to understand what submission means.

I cheered because… well…

… sometimes D/s isn’t fun. It’s not about what you want. It’s about what they want. It’s about giving up a part of yourself to serve someone else. Sure you can act these bits out now and then in the bedroom or over a weekend, but ultimately, I’ve done 24/7 before and I lost myself. That path leads to darkness and uncertainty. My brand of D/s now flourishes when I’m left to my own devices, when I have some set boundaries in place regards to play, relationships, my access to my body for certain things, etc. I hate being micro managed. I hate and baulk at someone telling me what to do. Sometimes when Cern says something that gets my back up I have to remind myself to back down and acquiesce. And sometimes I don’t. But with a power exchange comes some understanding of what you’ve agreed to and signed up for. And that’s that sometimes I don’t get to do what I want when I want and that sometimes what he says goes. Even if it sets my teeth on edge to comply.

The challenge and triumph of a successful relationship, especially in a kinky sense, is one where you both communicate what you desire and negotiate how to achieve your goals – much like a normal relationship. However I’ve found that this works better on a foundation of love, trust and mutual respect first. Kinky stuff is fun, its great fun, I totally love it… but it’s not all of who I am.

I am more than my love of pain. Of leather. Of rope. I’m multifaceted and BDSM is just one side of me.

2

Using pain to gain happiness? My personal sadomasochistic view.

I read an article today on I Fucking Love Science (IFLS) about an interesting topic that reached out to me with its headline but failed to deliver in its content. Sorry IFLS, usually lady you wow me this time however you totally went somewhere I didn’t think it was going.

Anyway, the article in question is titled: In Pursuit of Happiness: Why Some Pain Helps Us Feel Pleasure. Feel free to read the article. I’ll be using some excerpts to make my case at least in a kinky way about using pain to make us feel pleasure. Both from a top and bottom view.

We need pain to provide a contrast for pleasure; without pain life becomes dull, boring and downright undesirable. Like a chocoholic in a chocolate shop, we soon forget what it was that made our desires so desirable in the first place.

I think what is being referred to in this is the pain that we go through in life. The losses, the aches, the bumps, the relationship issues… the emotional pain that gives us fullness to our lives. It makes us learn and grow.

But let’s flip that, let’s talk about the other pain that can help you, the physical pain that someone else can cause you through BDSM. I know I’ve mentioned cathartic flogging before and this is but just one spectrum of pain and how to use it to deal with emotional turbulence or to get past some grief or as a way to open up when those of us are so used to being steel traps that don’t let any of our squishy bits show. What does this mean?

Catharsis: a purification or purgation of the emotions that brings about spiritual renewal. (Taken from Webster’s Dictionary)

It means that you can use it to have a cleansing of your soul, or your brain, or your emotional inner workings. Whatever you want to call it it’s been used for years and years and years through various cultures for release of some kind. Apparently some Buddhists even believe it leads to enlightenment.

But what does that mean?

Basically I’ve had this twice only in my whole experience of BDSM in 13 years. How does it work? It works when you ask someone you trust implicitly to take your emotional wellbeing into their hands and give you something of yourself back missing the hurting bits. Daddy once did this to me, not sure if he meant to, but he did. He used a quirt. The hits were relentless. They were continuous. They landed whether I crawled away or not. He took breaks to pull me back down to bending over the bed when I crawled up it to try to get away and would go back to hitting me. I was in tears within the first 5 seconds. I wasn’t tied up. I wasn’t putting my hands up to get him to stop. I only started crawling away when I hit my first pain threshold. It hurt. Like a mofo. And those of you that read my take on my submission know that I have issues mixing my submissive and masochist together. It got to the point where I couldn’t crawl away after a while. I got past the great big heaving sobs as the hits kept landing. My arse went from being on fire to having a super charged line to the rest of my body. The burning sensation spread, my brain took a holiday, I had no thoughts going through my head anymore except getting through the next hit. I felt emotionally wasted. I was a raw open snotting sobbing mess. Emotionally I had no walls left, he broke them all, he pushed me to a place that I hadn’t been in a long time and haven’t been since. A place where you let go of who you are, what you are, your thoughts, your feelings and just feel. You can feel the hits landing, you can feel the fire spreading through your body, the pain ripples as they push out another sob. You feel the air caressing your burning skin as soft as a lovers touch. I guess in a way that’s subspace. But also in a way it’s not. Subspace for me is usually pretty fluffy and not so painful. Cathartic play takes the entire process to another level.

Some people find that confronting. I guess if I saw that at a play party I’d find it confronting. But people play in different ways, no one knows their dynamic.

What I think is really important to remember is that most scenes are negotiated. The d-type and the s-type usually have talked beforehand about what they expect from the scene. What they want from the scene and if it’s in a public play party and they are playing hard, would have approached the DM (dungeon monitor) and explained what is going to happen so that if anyone is concerned and approaches the DM about their play, instead of stopping the scene the DM can explain that their play has in fact been agreed to by both parties and they are aware of it. Which is why I believe it’s really important to approach the event organisers or DM’s if you are at an event and feel a bit weird about some of the play happening instead of approaching the people in the scene itself. Don’t ruin their moment because you aren’t comfortable with it.

So end of common sense talk and back into the using pain as a means to pleasure.

There is good reason to believe pain may be effective in achieving this same goal (of pleasure). Why? Because pain captures our attention.

Imagine dropping a large book on your toe mid conversation. Would you finish the conversation or attend to your toe? Pain drags us into the moment and after pain we are more alert and attuned to our sensory environment – less caught up in our thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow. IFLS article.

What I’ve just described is something that if I let my masochist out, she yearns for it. She begs to be back there, to let go. But I’ve kept a tight rein on that side of myself for a long time for good reason. I think there’s a trap waiting there for the uninitiated.

You see, I’ve known people who use their pain play as a way of dealing with life. They have to be high on endorphins to function. They have to have a play session weekly, or twice weekly to be able to go to work and be a person who contributes to society. It would be easy, oh so easy, to let my masochist out to deal with life that way. To have the pain make things easier to deal with. To let my brain’s chemical imbalance rule my life.

But I can’t. I won’t. I enjoy pain. As Cern will tell you, I run away most times, yet I’ll come back into position when the pain peak relents. Yet unlike Daddy, he lets me crawl away to catch my breath – and that’s not a bad thing at all. It just shows that various types of pain play can be different.

A note, however, that is you do want to engage in this type of play, to really truly make sure that you’re doing it with the right person because you’ll need a few days of hand holding and TLC before you’re “normal” again. Which isn’t normal for most types of play. Usually I walk away and get pretty irky if people want to force aftercare into my lap. However when you’ve been stripped emotionally raw, you don’t turn away the cuddles and pats. The showering of affection and words of how well you did. Cathartic play isn’t just about the stripping away of one’s self-awareness, it’s not like pealing an onion and then walking away. As a d-type your job isn’t over once you put the flogger or implement of torture down. You have to put back together what you tore apart. Or at least make sure that the s-type has the support they need to be put back together again as they come back to their senses.

Like most scenes, this comes in the form of checking in with your s-type. Yet in a cathartic scene checking in resulted in my just sobbing harder. It was relief that it was over, that I made it, that I was still hurting and that even though I was wrapped up in a blanket that I was still feeling the hits as if they were landing.  Just make sure that your s-type has the support. Whether that’s from you or their friends, their lovers, or whoever. And if not, then offer them a cuddle and the option of taking that support from you.

In the cathartic flogging article they mention that both parties need to surrender to the experience. Not submit, but surrender. It’s not the d-types responsibility to “take” you somewhere. It’s not the s-types responsibility to entice the d-type. It’s about letting go all of the expectations and just both feeling the swing, hit. Swing, hit. Swing, hit. Many people say that they usually start by hugging their s-type before play to match their breathing. Once matched and relaxed they step away and begin. I think in a way, it outlines how things will go. It’s not about getting to subspace, it’s not about giving someone a journey, it’s not about anything else but your matching breathing and the swing… hit. As the d-type they have to not let their mind wonder at all, unlike the person getting flogged they don’t have the repeated hits bringing them back to the present. So they need to not be distracted by emotions, or their own reaction to what’s happening to the s-type. Whatever you are feeling you need to be able to acknowledge but not let it later your focus. Don’t stop or change the rhythm of your hits, just keep going. Surrender.

Let me just end with a quote from Officer Wes’s article on cathartic flogging:

There’s a wonderful parable that illustrates the subtlety quite nicely. It seems that when a guest at the monastery volunteered to do the dishes after dinner, the Master said “Are you sure you know how to wash dishes?” The guest protested that he had done the dishes all his life. Said the Master, “Ah, I have no doubt of your ability to make the dishes clean. I only doubt your ability to wash them.”

Joy exists only in the moment. The divine exists only in the moment. Mindful attention allows us to remain in the moment. If you are able to flog in the moment, you will experience joy and quite possibly a direct connection to the divine.

I love that the article differentiates between “heart work” and “head work” and to avoid catharsis to play out some fantasy role-playing. I don’t agree with the fantasy role-playing but I think he hit the nail on the head when he described a cathartic play scene as heart work. Because it’s not just about the heads anymore, it’s about the heart.

An excellent example of how pain may enhance pleasure is the experience commonly referred to as “the runners high”. After intense physical exertion, runners experience a sense of euphoria that has been linked to the production of opioids, a neurochemical that is also released in response to pain. IFLS article.

There’s also a masochists high. And a sadists high. Both similar yet different beasts as they use different methods to get to the same point.

And that’s just one small itty bitty slither of the BDSM spectrum when it comes to play. Especially to pain play. There’s many ways in which we all use pain to gain pleasure. My way is a just a wee bit different to the non-kinky varieties way. And it might be way more fun … ok so I’m biased, don’t hold it against me.

But I think, like most things in life, pain to pleasure is about letting yourself feel and be in the moment so you can let go and experience something different. Whether that be pain from pushing yourself in sport or from something kinky.

images2AFXIGXE

2

Kinky Q & A – #3

2-2-Fluff_Mr_Done

I know it’s been a while since I did this, but I got caught up with life and Cern and well, lots of Cern. And let’s be honest, the guy is pretty amazing to be caught up in. He makes me purr so good! Meow

Er, getting back on point though. Kinky Q & A time guys!!

Here’s some questions I got, don’t forget that if you have any questions feel free to email them to me at spankalicious.co@gmail.com or through the contact me page.

So without further ado:

Question 1: What is a fetish?

A fetish? Umm, well. Technically? It’s something that gets you off. Or if we were to look at the dictionary term

noun
1.

an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2.

any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion:

to make a fetish of high grades.
3.

Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Obviously we’re all talking about the third one in the above list…

For example, let’s have a look at some of my fetishes. For starters I have a fetish for rope. Wrap me up tight in some and my thighs get wet instantly, no need to touch anything else. Hurt me a bit with the rope while tying and I really start losing control. Why rope? Well, I have a soft spot for natural fibres. The rope I prefer to use on people and have used on me is jute. It has a distinct smell to it that makes me moan softly and want to wrap myself in it naked and roll around.

Another fetish I have is rubber. Latex. The smell of rubber makes me want to peal my skin off and reskin myself in it and masturbate furiously all at once. I once sat on a couch with another friend who has a latex fetish and we had a pair of latex pants with us. She grabbed one leg, I had a hold of the other leg while we held the waist closed and we put the leg pieces over our nose and mouths to breath in the smell while we moaned and writhed on the couch. Put me in a latex vac bed and I’m pretty much dying and going to heaven, especially with other’s touching me on the outside of the bed. I would LOVE to try a hitachi while in a vac bed. Actually, I think I’d want to try everything in a vac bed that was possible. I’m claustrophobic yet the vac bed pushes my fears and makes me so hot and bothered at the same time that I don’t have the words to express what it does to me.

When I’m walking past motorbike mechanic shops I stop just a wee bit outside the door and take a few deep breaths. And no, it’s not just because I’m weird. But it’s the combined smell of leather, rubber and motor oil that takes me to my happy place. Yes, I have a fetish for leather too…

I have a rubber band ball at work I sniff when I get stressed and it sends me to my happy place. Don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.

A fetish is what makes you horny. It’s what makes you want to tear the world apart to have this thing and come furiously at the same time.

Actually I think Cern is a new fetish…

So, what’s your fetish?

 

Question 2: Safewords, yes or no?

I don’t tend to play with safewords. Only because when I do play I play hard and I play fast and I play with people who I’ve played with for for many many many years who know my body, they know my reactions and they know my limits.

Playing with someone new a safeword is something that you should use. And don’t just have one safeword. Use a few, sometimes you don’t want the scene to stop,  you just want them to give you a break, so use a word that means slow down a bit. Have another word to mean I don’t like what you’re doing, please do something else and then have one to make sure the scene ends.

When I’m tying people up I don’t use safewords either. But then before I tie people up we have a conversation. Usually during this conversation I ask about any injuries they’ve sustained that I should know about, if they’ve drunk a lot of water or gone on a bender lately. How well did they sleep? Is anything bothering them? How masochistic are they feeling? What are their expectations from the rope I’m about to do? Is there something they’d like me to try with them? Is there something that they want to push? Or are they happy to let me take them where I want?

If it’s someone who has never been in my ropes before I go through basic rope safety with them. What kind of things they will feel in their arms and fingers. What kind of tingles and feelings are bad, I tell them that I expect them to use their words. I will prompt and ask how they are coping every so often, but if something doesn’t feel right, I want them to tell me. Articulate and you will be guaranteed that I’ll be asking to tie you again as I learn your body more and more through our communications in my ropes.

So basically? It comes down to you. To be on the safe side, use your safewords. Make sure they are part of your negotiations and make sure that the other party understands what they are and what they stand for. If you need a spotter during your first few plays, then ask for one. I’ve spotted for a few friends when they played with someone they didn’t know before at play parties to ensure that what they wanted didn’t happen. I’ve stepped in and said no to d types before because they wanted to take off someone’s underwear even after she said no during negotiation. There are people around who are happy to make sure you’re safe. Use them and don’t be afraid to ask for them to do it. Whether they are your friends or the Dungeon Monitors.

Your own safety is paramount and playing is secondary in this case. There will always be someone who wants to spank you, tie you up, hurt you or whatever else you’re into.

15

Hello little masochist. A little bit of pain on a Wednesday night…

Wednesday night was an interesting night for me.

In a myriad of ways.

We had a gathering, at the Sydney Rope Dojo space for a friend who is going back to America yet again.

Said friend and I had a date a while ago to get together and have a bit of a pain session. However after meeting Cern and the fact that I haven’t been able to stop bleeding has meant that I’ve had to put it off with him, which was a bit disappointing for us both.

On the bright side though he did approach me at said party and said that he wanted to use the dragon tail on my breasts.

What’s a dragon tail? Hmm. This is what it is… It’s pretty much a strip of cut & rolled leather. That bites so nicely when flicked just right.

And me being me, jumped at the chance and nodded my head enthusiastically at him. Yes, please!

So after a while I wondered to the back room and he saw me and wondered over with his leather toy of choice. I grinned and bent over, tipping my head back exposing my boobs. I grabbed a tit in each hand and held them up so that he had a platform to aim at.

The first few times he hit home. I swore. The next 10 hits landed in a variety of areas, from my nipples which caused a reaction of ouch!!! that stung so badly, especially after having my nipples chewed on all week, they were already tender so when I copped a flick to the nipple my eyes watered. I may have done a wee bit of my ouchy dance and taken a few more hits to my nipples before I ran away to take a breather. Those nipple hits were killing me.

I ran back sheepishly. This is why people tie me down. I run away when the pain gets too great and will come back to position eventually. Some find this endearing. Other’s just want to beat the hell out of me without having to chase me down. However he smirked as I walked back into the room and again assumed position. This time I pulled my breasts out of my shirt and bra and used my fingers to cover my nipples so that any hits landed on them instead of my nipples.

Before long he cracked a good one on my finger and I nearly cried. And then said maybe I’ll move over into the light a bit instead of staying in the darkest area of the room. His aim improved drastically once we moved into the light and I didn’t dance, run or jiggle at all but stayed put and enjoyed every single hit that landed. Some had me sucking in my breath quickly, others had me moaning as I exhaled. Oh pain, how I’d missed you.

Before long my breasts were starting to look a bit red and weepy and we stopped. It wasn’t the longest scene in the history of play that I’d ever done however it did open the door to my remembering how much I do love the sweet pain of it all.

I think what I love more is that with the pain comes an act of suffering that most don’t understand. The art of actually not being tied down, or chained up and still holding position. Mentally it’s so hard because every nerve cell in my body is screaming at me to run from the pain. Yet the mental challenge is staying. He told me to stay, so I stayed.

387788679_6b3c1493e5

I know I’ve written about the art of suffering before, or maybe I’ve touched upon it for how it relates back to my submission. But I think that’s another post in and of its own.

For now, the draw was for me was willingly staying put, even when this evil man was doing horrible things to my breasts and not running away. Plus after a while the burning pain started to radiate through my entire body and the sharp bites from the edge of the dragon’s tail didn’t make me flinch anymore… instead I moaned and wanted to lean into the hits. To offer more, expose more, give more…

However in a roomful of people I only offer so much. That type of exposure I tend to do in private, especially in a pain play situation. So I held off, I pulled back and after giving him a happy grin and nod, he held off too.

15 minutes of play. Red bleeding, weeping breasts of pain and delicious agony.

I have a scab on my cleavage from where the wounds are starting to heal. I can’t stop touching and running my hands over my welts and blood blisters. I haven’t had such pretty marks in a very very long time and I’m delighting in them.

Cern seemed to find this all very interesting and maybe even bizarre. I don’t think he’s fucked many masochists. For someone who says he isn’t into pain, he’s coming around to enjoying watching me suffer for him though. He says it’s because of how much I enjoy what he does to me, so for him it’s about pleasuring me and not about causing me pain. The causing me pain is a side effect of watching me enjoy said pain. Which is an interesting way of looking at it to be honest.

For me, my sadism is partly about making sure that my bottom is suffering for me but sometimes it’s not about them and it’s about me wanting to hurt them how I want to hurt them and them taking it, breathing through it, sweating through it, crying through it and still meeting my eyes after the pain recedes to show me that they are with me, they are ok, they want more…

Isn’t it funny how different people process things differently? My sadistic side to his… I find it endlessly fascinating.

And he’s found spots on my arse that hurt. Like really really fucking hurt. My sitting down now requires great concentration from me because my arse bones are right in the two spots that he squeezes like he’s squeezing lemons. No bruising but he pinches the muscle to the point that I’m squealing and nearly crying from the pain of it all. Little does he know that if he told me to stop moving I’d hold still so he didn’t have to fight me while I tried to run away. But I’m not giving him that nugget yet… although if he reads this I’m done for.

I also got offered to have a friend of mine hurt me when I wanted it, which is nice because I was starting to run low on sadists and he would be perfect. Especially since he gets that it’s not a sexual thing for me, but purely the pain power exchange. So I’ve been seriously considering his offer.

Plus I have a date with Daddy in a few weeks, although that one is causing me some trepidation. However I think I just need to talk to him about the few anxiety causing issues I have and we should be set to go. We haven’t played in well over 4 years, so this reunion is going to be a whopper. In some ways I can’t wait. I know he can’t, he keeps sending me texts saying how much he misses my tears that I cry for him and that he can’t wait to shove my face into a pillow while he hurts me so that I get smothered in my own tears. The man knows how to work me up, that’s for sure. So the whole meeting has me on edge. Nerves because it’s been so long since I’ve done anything like this and anxiety because he’s changing the boundaries that we’ve played in for the last 10 years.

You know that saying? When it rains it pours? I’m feeling a bit like that at the moment.

WARNING: Clicking the more link here will bring up some pictures of my ouchies from Wednesday night and earlier from Cern. If you don’t like seeing welted tits, don’t look.

Boobs of deliciousness under here, click it, you know you want to!

44

Kinky Q & A – It’s official!

As I put out the other day, I’m going full steam ahead with the kinky question and answer that I will be doing once a week.

2-2-Fluff_Mr_Done

For anyone wanting to take part, you can either leave a comment on the page I created, or feel free to go to my contact me page to send me a question that way. I’m happy to put up anonymous posts if you don’t want your name associated with your questions. Just don’t forget to tell me that little tidbit of information!

Every week I’ll answer some questions.

I will put the image I bought from Claudette above on a new page called Kinky Q & A and will link to the new Q&A post every week.

I’ll be answering the questions every Thursday.

How exciting!! So go go my dears, give me some good ones and remember, no need to ask them all in one go – and of course, nothing is off topic or taboo. Ask away and I will answer truthfully and honestly.

17

Experimentation – Question time?

So I’ve been thinking about opening up my blog once a week for questions.

From anything kinky to life to love to political to academic.

If you have a question use my contact me page to send me an email and ask and I’ll choose a day that I answer all questions that come through. If you want to remain anonymous feel free to include that in your email and I will ensure that you are given a pseudonym and your name isn’t mentioned. Your secrets are safe with me.

What do y’all think?

Help me out here!!! What name do you think?

Any of those? Or feel free to vote and comment with any other suggestions.

40

First times: My first ever strap on experience

Thanks to Ann over at Ann St Vincent and Maurnas from Cursitivity, who did a guest blog post on Ann’s blog popping her sex blogging cherry! She went into the time she had a boyfriend request her to do anal play with him. So based on that I’m going to delve into my very first anal experience with an old boyfriend. This one’s for you gals.

strap-on-demotivational-poster-1280051084

Quite a few years ago I was dating this one guy. Let’s call him Anthony. Anthony and I had dated for about a year when he asked me if I ever thought about getting a strap on. I frowned at him while we walking around in town. A strap on? For my girlfriends? He shook his head and said no, for me.

Continue Reading

33

The delicious art of a good spanking

I realise lately that I’ve done a lot of introspective posts about my feelings and thoughts, so I thought I’d mix it up a bit and write about some of my favourite activities…

Spankings

My first ever spanking session went for just over an hour and a bit, about 12 years ago now.

So my friends tell me. I can’t remember most of the pain, all I remember is how it smarted, I remember thinking that I possibly couldn’t take any more as I was pushing through another pain barrier and the intensity started up all over again, it made me wiggle and giggle, it made me squirm and finally it made me fly. The lady who gave me said spanking is still one of my very good friends and her hands will always be some that I remember with delight.

So let’s go into the exquisite art of spanking. Because there is you know, it’s not just walloping for wallopings sake.

There’s a spanking sweet spot for me, just like the caning sweet spot. Except the caning sweet spot is in that sweet sweet fold of skin where your butt cheeks meet the top of your thighs and when you bend over and get caned right there it also catches your labia and you feel that burn through your body as your breath catches and you ride the waves of intense white-hot pain. But this isn’t my post about caning.

Let’s get back to the spankening fun times.

Continue Reading

10

Taking the puppy for a walk

You  know those days… Where you’re dying to go for a walk with your boyfriend?

So you slap a hood on him, stick a butt plug up his ass as you tie his ankles to his thighs and put the leash on as you lead him into the sunshine naked. Only in West Virginia right? Right. I hope they don’t charge them with anything and just enjoy it for what it is.

I died laughing. No really. I’d have cheered her on.

Why do I only get to see random people walking ponies at midnight instead of a human puppy at midday? Such a warm day for it too. Good on her.

I’m not MIA – just have a shit load of chemistry to studying to catch up on so have been a bit quiet.

I figured this might keep the masses entertained until I have a spare moment to write something new.

26

The ultimate question: Will you be my everything?

I don’t know about you guys, but being someone’s everything is a lot of pressure that I refuse to take responsibility for.

You see, I don’t believe you can be everything to another person.

We all have our different things that keep us going. We like different things, we read different things, we share certain areas of our lives with people and we delight in learning about things that we never experienced before.

At least I do.

Continue Reading