Well no, not really.
I’m regularly loosing my shit and poor Cern doesn’t know what to do with me.
You see I move tomorrow.
My cat is really sick and has pancreatitis along with dehydration that may cause his kidney’s to fail. So not only have I forked out $506 for his blood test, vet visit and antibiotics, etc – he needs to go back in to be put on an IV to save his kidney’s.
Add in the cost of moving and food now being an optional extra for me, there’s a lot of shit going down in my world that I’m not sure how to deal with and I’m sure that I wouldn’t be dealing at all if I didn’t have Cern firmly pressed up against my back holding me up. Granted his hands are firmly planted on a boob each, but I can feel him. And in amongst all the turmoil, tears and emotional fucked-up-ed-ness… it’s a novel thing that I’m feeling.
No one’s done this for me before.
I’m unsure how to cope, but even in my uncoping he’s there. Like the harbour bridge in the fog. You know it’s there and you trust that it’s there so much that you’ll drive out onto it even though you can’t see the road ahead.
I try not to write sappy posts because I’m sure ya’ll don’t need to hear me gloat about how awesome my man is and how happy I am to have found him finally. It’s like finding a Rhodochrosite crystal with the perfect colouring and shape or even red beryl. Exquisite. Hard to find. Perfect to hold in your hand and it fills you with awe and happy hormones.
That’s pretty much how Cern makes me feel most times.
Except when he locks me out of my car and I have to run up and down stairs 3 times in the morning to try to get him coherent enough to tell me where he put the beep beep for the car so I can leave to go to work. At which point I want to pour a bucket of water over him for making me late to work. I’m so mentally unstable in the mornings!!
But then he does awesome things like goes to hunt & gather our dinner last night while I kept packing because I was pouting and refusing to leave the house after having a hard day at work all day.
Either way, my cat is due back at the vet this afternoon to see if we need to put him on an IV and what other treatments we need to get him on. I have a truck booked for 7am tomorrow morning and we finally found a babysitter close to Cern’s house to watch the kids so he can help me move because otherwise I’d just be sitting in my room crying because I can’t move everything on my own and I can’t afford to hire anyone to move me.
We will do this. He keeps sending me messages saying this.
Until it’s tomorrow night and I have everything where it needs to be and my cat next to me I just can’t believe him.
See you guys on the flip side! I’m getting wine drunk tomorrow night if I make it!