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Kinky Q & A – #2

2-2-Fluff_Mr_Done

It’s that time of week again, y’all!!!

First question being from Stereowhite:

What is the proper way to spank a woman and how would you tell other men to do it?

Hmmm I did do a post recently about The art of Spanking.

The good recipe for a good spanking? Is be firm. Don’t be timid in your spanks, don’t be timid in your man handling of said woman. Either of these things will make her feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. Go for the sweet spots, there a few diagrams in my post that will help you.

Above all else though, get ready for your hand to hurt too. You will also experience a sort of “rush” like subspace from the activities. Which also means that you will need some aftercare too, or at least check in with said bottom a day or two after because they will crash. As will you so the contact will help both of you re-connect and touch base.

And enjoy it! It’s meant to be fun!

Some questions from the lovely Jblondie:

Could you explain the differences between Titles. Example: Submissive, Brat, Babygirl, Dom, Daddy, Kinkster, Vanilla, bottom, top…etc

Hmmm titles are a funny thing, I think of them like sexualities, they can be totally fluid. I guess for me there are titles that you keep forever, like ultimately I’m submissive. Even if that changes on occasion to where I become a sadistic top tying up my helpless victims er rope bottoms, my default setting is that. Just bear in mind that once you own a title doesn’t mean that you can’t own the rest either. If you were to ask Cern he’d tell you I’m all kinds of a brat. But that’s only because I hate giving up control in a lot of areas so I challenge him on it and when he can make me heel, then he’s won.

Right to begin with then!

Submissive: Is someone who willingly submits to a dominant. How much you submit is something you discuss and set boundaries for with your partner. Whether it’s a service submissive, a sexual submissive, or a 24/7 kind of arrangement doesn’t make you any less or more of a submissive. You’re still willing to serve and that’s all that matters.

Brat: Hmm, there’s a few that will say being a brat defies the purpose of being a submissive. Some submissives just like the challenge, the like the feeling of being put in their place. I think there’s an element of playfulness to being a brat as well. You know the consequences and know that there will be payment for it later, but sometimes, just sometimes, it’s worth pushing them that little bit too far. It’s a more playful dynamic than say just pure dominance and submission.

Babygirl: this is one of my favourite areas to play in. Daddy keeps me safe, he keeps me protected, he looks out for me, he hurts me, he cuddles me better. I’m his little babygirl always and forever. I think the babygirl/babyboy dynamic is rather interesting. It changes for many people. Other’s see it as a way to express their inner child. For me it’s not about my inner child but rather the comfort of knowing I’m looked after, that I can crawl into his lap and be cuddled and kissed and made to feel like nothing else can get me in the world because Daddy is there. For other’s though this is more an area where they can let their little ones free. Whether that’s colouring in, playing with lego’s, etc etc. So again, this title totally depends on where you want your dynamic to go.

Dom: Hmm I think dominant is pretty self-explanatory It’s someone who identifies with being in control. Of having someone they can share their dominance with. Whether that’s every day things like telling you what to wear, or just in the bedroom things where you are to kneel beside the bed until he says he’s ready to have you beside him or you ask permission to enter the bed. Dominants exert their control in a variance of ways, again, this comes down to negotiation and what you both agree to before playing together. So whether it’s just in the bedroom that they take control of what happens to you and how, or if it’s just during a play scene, or if its everyday life or orgasm control. For example, Cern’s gone and told me that no one but him can play with my cunt. They all have their own little ways of wanting to control something in your life and it’s up to you what part you’re happy to let them control.

Daddy: See Dom. They have the same kind of desire. Except they also have the desire to make sure their babygirl is looked after is ok. They will pay for things, or they will ensure your safety and well-being above all else. They will indulge your little side with affection and want to bring her or him out to play more often. They’ll feed you ice cream and wipe up your tears after making you cry from a painful pain play session. They’ll make sure you have food in the fridge and you’re happy. This doesn’t mean dom’s don’t do this either. Again, the whole dynamic is about how you and your partner want to approach it. What you’re comfortable in being called to each other.

Kinkster: Hah, I have this listed on my fetlife profile because I’m tired of being hit on and having to explain how as a submissive I could also be a top and tie people up. This title to me just means that you’re kinky. What kink that might be is irrelevant and that you don’t want to own a title about it. You do what you do and that’s fine with you!

Vanilla: Someone who isn’t kinky. At all.

Top: Is someone who will top you within a scene only. They will hurt you, tie you up, or control you during the agreed upon play time and then after that they will fall back into being your friend or lover. There is no dynamic that goes above or beyond a play scene in this case.

Bottom: Is someone who willingly submits to a top during said play scene. For example when I was doing my shows at Hellfire over the 10 years I performed there, I bottomed to my friends that own the club. I agreed to let them hurt me for a set period of time and do whatever they wanted, outside of that they went back to being my friends.

Q. How did you get started in this lifestyle? What turned you on to it?

Hmmm this is a bit of a long story…

Back in 1999 I met someone online who turned into a good friend of mine. She said she thought I showed submissive tendencies and together we delved into the BDSM rooms on yahoo chat channels back then. I read up about all these things online from various sites and took in all I could about the lifestyle. I read the Gor books, the Anne Rice Beauty Series, I read anything I could get my hands on to devour what this lifestyle meant. I had my rose-tinted glasses on.

I wanted to be the perfect little submissive at age 21. Little did I know when I finally built up the courage to enter the Sydney scene at age 23 and met my best friend and some of my longest friends and got on stage at Hellfire to feel my first ever whipping that it wasn’t actually just submission that I was after. Yup, you read right, I felt my first ever whip, crop, spank, had about 50 pegs whipped off both breasts on stage at Hellfire. And I don’t regret a minute of it. The people who I let hurt me on stage have become my family. Master Tom, Ultra, the submissives from back then… we’re all very tight-knit. And all the new people till today. There’s something to be said about our Hellfire family unit. I couldn’t imagine a life without them in it.

Q. When is it a good time to tell a new partner that you’re wanting to explore BDSM?

Whenever you think you’re ready to want to explore it with them. Either from the get go, or a few months into it when you feel that you can trust them enough to explore it with you.

For me, a lot of the things I do require a level of trust that isn’t readily available to someone you haven’t known for a while. For example there are a lot of things that I now let Cern do to me that I wouldn’t have allowed at the beginning of our .. hmm.. friendship? Relationship?

Q. Are there any ways to explore certain sides of your sexuality (i.e. masochistic, submissive, sadistic etc) without a partner?

Oh hell yes there are. As a masochist I love nothing better than tying myself up so tightly and masturbating that it’s become a happy pastime. You can also add pegs to your wanking sessions. Or rope. Or wax. Or whatever else is going to heighten the experience for you. Obviously you don’t want to do anything that’s going to get you into a dangerous situation. But light things that add a bit of spice to wanking? I say go for it.

It’s a bit harder to do as a sadist since you need someone to actually be sadistic to… and the same goes for submissive, it’s just not quite the same when you’re serving yourself, yanno? Although maybe you could set yourself goals, like a certain number of orgasms with pegs on your nipples or labia or something? The sky is honestly the limit here with self exploration.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

And that’s it for this week guys. Don’t forget to email me at spankalicious.co@gmail.com if you have any questions for next week!

6 Comments

        • They may do.

          Us kinky perverts often end up having parties privately. You’ll probably find the same over there. I know there’s a S&M club in new york but I am not sure of other places.

          Shibaricon is on every other year in Chicago though 🙂

  1. Reading your bit on daddies and baby girls made my heart go all smooshy <3

    Totally agree with hard spanking over light. Bf tried light on me and I was like mehhh, but the hard spanking made me grin. I even giggled. And my giney was all meowww!

    Another way to explore roles on your own is with orgasm control and/or denial. Edging is totally playing the dom and sub at the same time with yourself 😀

    • It’s so true though! I lovers my daddy! <3

      Haha your ginney totally k ow what it wants, listen to the vajayjay!

      Yup that's works too, although I just get frustrated if I deny myself and get off anyway. But there's lots to do if you're willing 😀

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