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Kinky Q & A #1

2-2-Fluff_Mr_Done

From my boobalicious Goaty:

  • What candles are best to use when playing with hot wax?

To start with, let’s go into a bit of what wax play entails.

Candles usually. A lot more people are using soy wax candles these days as it can be absorbed by the skin with a bit of rubbing, think of it as a warm wax moisturiser. It doesn’t have the sharp burn as normal candles do, so the feel and atmosphere they give are totally different.

Now there’s a lot of candles out there and I would suggest staying away from them all. From glittered, to scented to tea lights. Just don’t. They burn hot, they burn fast and they will give your waxee 3rd degree burns if you have no idea.

The safest candles on this front would be soy candles and paraffin wax candles. Pure paraffin wax melts at around 54 to 57 °C (129 to 135 °F) and soy melt temperature 45°C.  Remember with candles that it’s not a neat affair. You will get splashes, you’ll get dried bits of wax everywhere. So choose your spot carefully for this kind of play.

Bear in mind that nipples and areola are very sensitive and can burn easier than the rest of the skin area. Genitals work the same way. Always always always start dripping candles from a “safe” distance away to warm up the person to the sensation, the feel, the warmth. Remember that the more wax you drop in the one place, the more it retains heat and therefore will be easier to cause burning. This is more for the paraffin than the soy. You have a lot more leeway with the soy candles because of their lower temperature to melt.

So depending on what effect you want, you can use either of those and it should be warm, fun and messy. We can’t not have messy. It makes the world go round.

  • Is it possible for two doms to match up? do they then becomes switches? 

Sure it is, there’s a lot of relationships you’ll find that don’t always fit the stereotypical d/s and nothing more relationship type. You can make and be whatever you want in a relationship, it doesn’t have to be just one thing. I think there’s a lot of stigma around people who switch, because it’s seen as not being one or the other. So what are you? It’s a bit like being bisexual to me, you know? I don’t fit either that well. I have a huge host of submissive tendencies, but I’m feisty. I’ll ultimately submit but not without a good fight first. I guess two doms means that they either have an understanding of each other as equals and have their own submissives in a house, or that one may be a bit more subservient to the other.

The great thing about this lifestyle is that there is no cut and dried cardboard cutout that applies to everything.

So yes, two doms can become switches. Or they don’t have to become switches at all but heads of equality in a house where they have their own submissives or share submissives. It’s not unheard of you know!

  • Is it possible for a dom to get to subspace?

To be honest it’s possible for anyone to get into subspace. Subspace isn’t a magical land that’s only open to submissives.

It’s a chemical reaction in your brain that releases endorphins and adrenaline that induces the happy high feeling and makes you feel so out of this world. The endorphins are your brain’s own way of making your muscles relax and you will feel calmer and more centered. Yet adrenaline will make your heart race, your breathing quicken. Adrenaline will make you feel like the world has slowed to a crawl and that every hit feels like it’s taking a long time to process and feel. You block out what’s happening around you and only feel and see what’s in front of you. My coordination decreases, I feel floaty and not anchored to the earth and my thought processes fly out the window. Long sentences become hard, although I can answer short answers, yes.. no.. if you have a safeword you should still be able to safely use this no matter how far or deep you go.

Just remember that when you slow your breathing down that you’ll start to release endorphins and if you speed up your breathing you’ll start to get adrenaline. Based on these reactions a good dom should be able to lead you on a merry dance all over the dungeon for their pleasure.

Bear in mind that subspace isn’t something that you will get to every single time. It’s a combination of play, your mood, your doms mood… it’s a variance on your exchange of energy, the connectivity between you at the time and of course if you’re both stressed then it’s never going to happen.

I think there’s this belief that subspace happens every single time someone plays. It doesn’t. It happens few and far between. In fact I think the last time I was anywhere close to being in subspace was over 8 years ago. Subspace doesn’t always happen and anyone going into a play scene expecting subspace is going to be sorely upset about it.

I think going into a play space wanting to have a good time with your dom is a healthier expectation than something that may or may not happen.

So yes, dom’s get into subspace too – just because they are dominant doesn’t mean that they can’t be masochistic too 🙂 Anyone that is into any kind of pain play may reach subspace. At the end of the day, it should be called kinky-happy-space instead of subspace because it’s not just a space for subs. It’s a space for anyone willing and open to going there.

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That’s it for Kinky Q & A this week, don’t forget that if you have any questions to leave me a comment or drop me an email – I look forward to answering more questions next week 😀

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