But I like the way Baldwin frames being alone as a choice, one that calls to us not because we so love isolation and hate feelings, but because our relationship status is just one of many things we have to juggle. She’s not saying a partner wouldn’t be nice (or threatening to plunge cutlery into her eye)—although certainly some women, like some men, revel in total amatory freedom. But singlenesscan be voluntary, can be fulfilling, can be the best choice on the table at the moment, even if it’s not always a fountain of bliss. – Article from Daily Life
Singledom. The defect of relationship statuses for women it seems. Men could be bachelors for the rest of their lives and not get hit with any stigma in regards to their relationship status.
I know it’s the case for me. Especially coming from a European family. I’m 35. Don’t have children by choice, don’t have a partner by choice and quite content living in shared housing in an inner city boho chic suburb with a cat.
I don’t see a damn thing wrong with this picture. My mother, on the other hand, sees everything wrong.
I didn’t talk to my mother for 4 years after I moved out of home. Because she literally said that if I left home I was dead to her. So I proceeded to make sure that I could make this happen to the best of my ability. You see, it’s unheard of in our culture for a girl to move out of home without being married first. It’s just not how it’s done, cherie.
I moved out. Not only did I move out, I moved out and in with a man. Who I wasn’t married to. You can see where her angst came from.
We sorted out stuff out not long after my sister asked me to please stop being so distant. But my mother has since learnt to not treat me like she would a child. Although lately she’s been telling me to find a sperm bank and get pregnant. She’s stopped short of sending me their contact numbers with an appointment time. I don’t know why, my sister just had a baby, why must I have one too?
I remember when I was 16 and telling my mother that I would never get married or have children. She shoo’d me away saying that I’d change my mind. I sit here at 35 and think that I knew my mind at 16. Not much has changed.
Do I want to find someone to spend my life with? Sure. Do we have to get married? No. Does this have to result in children? No, actually I’d prefer it didn’t. However if I am with someone who is willing to raise said clingy infant then I might be tempted to change my mind. Tempted being a very very big if however.
I enjoy my life. I love that I can go for a bike ride on a Saturday morning to the cafe around the corner for a coffee and toast with vegemite on it. I love that I can sit at home in my pj’s and nest. I love that I can spend a Sunday not getting out of my nightie and playing computer games. Or that I can go drinking on a Friday night with my friends at the pub up the road and roll home. Or spend an afternoon in the park with other people’s dogs coming over for pats as I read my book. Or swimming with my wifey. Or x-stitching with my bestie on the couch watching supernatural and coo’ing over how I’d have Dean’s babies with a bottle of white. You get the drift here.
What do I miss? I miss being intimate with someone. I miss wrapping myself around someone and breathing in their scent and smiling. I miss the little things about sharing your life with someone. I miss just having someone around that doesn’t necessarily need me to keep them entertained and is happy for me to go do my thing because that’s me grounding myself. Yet I don’t think my life is sub-par because I don’t have this right now.
I love my life. I love being single, I love the self discovery and epiphanies that I get from daily challenges to think outside the box. To be the woman who society deems is “ineligible” for love because I’m getting older, I’ve never been married and I refuse to reproduce.
I never got married because I haven’t met anyone who made me think happily ever after thoughts. I’ve never been swept off my feet and carried away by “love”. I’ve gone into relationships thinking that I really enjoy this person and I want to spend time with them. It’s never been “I’ll die without you in my life”.
So here’s a big raspberry to a society who thinks that because I haven’t followed the traditional route then somehow my life is somehow lacking (it’s not).