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The stigma of bisexuality. Monosexism at it’s best.

Let’s get into this whole bisexual thing. Because apparently it is a “thing”. Or so I keep being told by lesbians. Or straight people. I’ll succumb to my heteronormative rights and hide behind a man apparently.

Or I’m just greedy. I can’t make up my mind. I only act at being gay. People ask me what my orientation is, I say half gay. Queer. I identify more with queer and have for a long time in my life. I don’t fit the lipstick lesbian mould. I don’t fit the butch mould. I have long hair. I wear jeans, cons and wife beaters with bright red lipstick on. I have pink power tools. I wear dresses and heels and sometimes I even grow and paint my  nails. I tie people up and suspend them for my pleasure. And sometimes theirs.

I fall in love with personalities. Not what’s in their pants. I love tits. I love cock. I love the twinkle in a person’s eye when they cotton on to what perverted shit I’ve whispered in their ear. What’s hiding behind their clothing has never been an issue for me.

Does this make me any less slutty? No. I own my inner slut. We’re on reaaaaaaaaaaaaally good terms. In fact, we’ve had a lot of fun together over the years and I’m not ashamed of it. Bless her. She’s made me a better person. However just because I’m bisexual hasn’t meant that it’s caused me to be promiscuous. I have never cheated on a partner. I’ve had them cheat on me though. What I learnt from those experiences is that I prefer brutal honesty in a relationship instead of lies and deceit. You want to fuck someone? Sure, let me know, most times I’m not going to give a flying fuck about who you want to stick what into long as you keep it safe. Lie to me and I walk. There are no second chances with that.

When I’m single I’m up for a lot. Because why the hell shouldn’t I indulge in my fantasy’s? They are healthy. And like my wank fodder up there, I happily take on more than one. But that doesn’t mean that when I’m in a relationship I’m somehow lacking. I bring it to the table, do you?

So let’s start with what bisexuality means, dictionary wise.

bi·sex·u·al

[bahy-sek-shoo-uhl]

adjective

1. Biology:

a. of both sexes.
b. combining male and female organs in one individual; hermaphroditic.

2. sexually responsive to both sexes; ambisexual.

Then let’s talk about monosexism. What is monosexism?

Monosexism is synonymous with biphobia in many ways because it perpetuates the myth that a person can only truly be attracted to one gender. Monosexists reinforce binary thinking through their insistence that orientation is confined to the two polarities of either straight or gay. – Erin Tatum – Everyday Femisim Article

What a lot of people probably don’t know about me is that until about the age of 21, I was gay. Sure I snogged a boy in high school and pretended to have a boyfriend. It was a life or death decision. I didn’t make it easily. However my mother was getting sick of saving me from the principles office half way through school because he had called her to come get me. You see, there were a bunch of boys who didn’t like me very much. Probably because I refused to be the meek female and let them me bully me.

But we all have our own horror stories of high school don’t we? Mine isn’t much different from many other people’s who are in the minority. They don’t fit in and they refuse to back down. Welcome to my world.

And then it all got turned on its head when I accidentally fell in love with a boy at work. I guess I wasn’t a lesbian after all!

More to the point however, from my early twenties onwards I hit the fetish scene in Sydney pretty hard. And it hit me back. I met some wonderful people who I call family to this day. We’ve been through so much together that I couldn’t think of life without them. My sexual identity, my psychological framework is constantly pushed by those around me. It’s pushed by their ideologies, their views, their differing opinions. Why am I prattling on about this? Because it’s through one of my dearest that I came across this article.

And it struck such a chord that it’s still singing.

It’s time for everyone’s (least) favorite cliché: the promiscuous bisexual!

Monosexism thrives in both straight and gay communities because everyone can agree that bisexuals just can’t keep it in their pants. Nonmonosexuals are perceived as greedy, fickle, or simply attention-hungry.  

and…

If you’re that worried that your partner is going to cheat on you, you should probably have a discussion with them.

It’s absolute bullshit that biphobia validates blaming your insecurities on someone else just because you unfairly assume that their orientation could turn them into a rogue nymphomaniac.  Erin Tatum – Everyday Femisim Article

I dated a lesbian once. We lived together for 3 years. We were monogamous. Did I miss penis? No. Not really. It wasn’t until I knew it was over in my heart did I start fantasising about being with a man again. Did I occasionally miss it? Sure, but that did mean that I was going to run away from a partner I adored because I had a passing fancy. Just like I expected my partner to not run off with a passing fancy she had.

And I just don’t understand it when gay people can easily say, “Oh but I have nothing against bi people. I just can’t date them.” Why? What makes them any different to the next man or woman you’re going to have a relationship with?

That they might leave you for someone else? Hello. It doesn’t matter who  you are with, they might leave you for someone else. It’s not like bisexual people have a monopoly on dumping you to run off with someone else. Hell, if anything it’s happened to me more than I can count and I’m yet to do that to someone. And I’d like to point out that all the partners that did that were straight. So what does that say about your bias?

Do I sometimes push the bias? Sure I do. When people ask me why I am bisexual I often give the flippant answer of “I’m greedy” – and people don’t challenge this. They accept it. Scary isn’t it? It’s after I say, actually I was being flippant. I fall in love with personalities and not genitals that they stop and engage.

So the next time you come across someone who doesn’t fit, instead of discriminating against them for their sexual identity, choices or preferences, how about we embrace them for having the courage to be true to themselves.

Because, trust me, being true to oneself isn’t the easiest of paths.

4 Comments

  1. Awesome post! I don’t know any bisexual people (personally, that is) so it’s really awesome to hear you debunking some of these myths. Thanks XO

    • Thank you and you’re very welcome.

      Sometimes there are certain myths that need to be debunked. I think there’s a whole heap of stigma around bisexuality that really doesn’t need to be.

      We aren’t all promiscuous. Nor do we cheat. Some of us are actually pretty decent human beings that want what everyone else wants.

      To be loved for who we are.

      I just need to spread the word every so often =)

      Thanks for reading and commenting!! xx

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